How Do You Feel the Fear?

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Feel the fear and do it anyway. – Almost every woman in my family at one point or another

Today I am moving from my tiny, one-person studio in a conveniently located part of town to a four-bedroom farm house with three other people in a much more residential neighborhood. I feel a lot of anxiety and fear around the move. I am afraid of letting go of the conveniences around me (close co-op grocery store, quick bus ride to work). I am afraid of being uncomfortable living with other people. I am afraid of not everyone being happy all the time and feeling (imagined) pressure to fix it. I am afraid I am making a mistake. 

I was speaking to a friend about the move, sharing my fears of not being able to walk to a grocery store in two minutes if I forget an ingredient for dinner, and co-habitating with people who may not like me. He told me that, right out of high school, the band he played with moved into "the band house." They turned the living room into a soundproof studio, instruments and equipment spilling over into the kitchen and hallways. It had been their dream: state-of-the-art equipment available 24/7 to make music and do what they loved best. But he found that suddenly, the appeal was gone. What was once something so rare and precious ("We have an hour before my mom gets home to make all the noise we can!") had lost its sheen. He found his love for music again once he moved out of the house. You've probably heard him here, here and here. 

I know I will be letting go of a lot of convenience when I leave this apartment, and what I am feeling now is a fear of the unknown. But, I have made a choice to be more intentional. This move forces me to be more deliberate, more conscious, and is a step towards crafting the life that I want: one forged from my hands and heart. So the things I used to do regularly out of convenience will require more preparation and thought. And that is more than okay. It is brilliantly good.