Saturday, November 5, 2011

How Do You Feel the Fear?

Feel the fear and do it anyway. – Almost every woman in my family at one point or another

Today I am moving from my tiny, one-person studio in a conveniently located part of town to a four-bedroom farm house with three other people in a much more residential neighborhood. I feel a lot of anxiety and fear around the move. I am afraid of letting go of the conveniences around me (close co-op grocery store, quick bus ride to work). I am afraid of being uncomfortable living with other people. I am afraid of not everyone being happy all the time and feeling (imagined) pressure to fix it. I am afraid I am making a mistake. 

I was speaking to a friend about the move, sharing my fears of not being able to walk to a grocery store in two minutes if I forget an ingredient for dinner, and co-habitating with people who may not like me. He told me that, right out of high school, the band he played with moved into "the band house." They turned the living room into a soundproof studio, instruments and equipment spilling over into the kitchen and hallways. It had been their dream: state-of-the-art equipment available 24/7 to make music and do what they loved best. But he found that suddenly, the appeal was gone. What was once something so rare and precious ("We have an hour before my mom gets home to make all the noise we can!") had lost its sheen. He found his love for music again once he moved out of the house. You've probably heard him here, here and here

I know I will be letting go of a lot of convenience when I leave this apartment, and what I am feeling now is a fear of the unknown. But, I have made a choice to be more intentional. This move forces me to be more deliberate, more conscious, and is a step towards crafting the life that I want: one forged from my hands and heart. So the things I used to do regularly out of convenience will require more preparation and thought. And that is more than okay. It is brilliantly good. 


  1. change is always good. it means new trials which lead to more self knowledge. very exciting!

    moving away from our conveniences can be hard. i had to go to the laundromat for a year because we lived in an apartment. this may sound trivial but there are 6 of us, it was terrible. now that we've moved and i have my washer and dryer back in the house i'm soooo grateful for it. i definitely took it for granted.

    anyway, good luck! and i look forward to seeing how things unfold for you :D

  2. It's good to feel the fear, so that you can let go of it. It is such a glorious feeling. It sounds like you're embracing this change for all the right reasons and surely then, something beautiful will come out of it.

  3. Fear, yeah, I wish it weren't so common ~ it's uncomfortable! I find the fear is proportional to how amazing I feel on the other side of it, though.

    At the risk of being completely cliche (but cliches are so often true :), you might be letting go of some things, but you will gain many things you don't yet know about, things waiting for you momentarily around the corner, which you've now made room for.

    best of luck! x brooke

  4. It is pretty amazing that you are taking this huge leap with the move! I find myself letting fear come in the way of some of my aspirations. I need to remind myself to let go of this and move forward.

    And yes to the red dress for the holidays!!

  5. Good luck on the move. It *is* a fear of the unknown, of stepping away from what is familiar and reliable. But whenever I've moved to a new job or a new flat or house, I've suddenly thought 'Wow, I can't imagine these things around me right now not being here. Whatever was it like before I got to be *here*?" This new move will become a part of your life :)

  6. just focus on that first step away, and not on your fear or the unknown (aren't most things unknown anyway?) - you'll go far! good luck!

  7. i have an adventurous spirit, so i tend to jump into things like that. i guess my thought is a very relaxed notion that if it all goes belly up (terribly wrong) i can move. if i'm stuck for a while, i can learn from the experience.

    in other words, nothing is ever a mistake, and, everything can be changed.

    good luck! :)