On my birthday this year, I received a pack of angel cards from a dear family member of mine. The box prompts you to choose a card on your birthday. The word on the card will overlight your year.
I thought about it a moment, surrounded by family and friends and laughter and warmth, chose a card in the middle of the deck, and pulled out the word love. I felt a chord strike in my heart.
Very recently, exes and past lovers have been coming out of the woodwork. Boys I never thought I would hear from again, telling me things I desperately wanted to hear when our relationships ended. Now, the words ring like tin in my ears and taste like pennies in my mouth. Am I suspicious of these boys and their motives? Am I doubtful of their words? Am I convinced I am undeserving?
I am not any of these things. I am someone learning the hard lesson of loving themselves, of learning that acceptance and balance doesn't come from outside, but within. I spoke before of the catalyst that would make everything right in the world, and how it does not exist. The rhythms that move the world move me with them, and I am a different person than I was when I was in these relationships. I choose to not let my suspicion and doubt get the best of me. I choose to accept these sentiments with grace, even if I can't reciprocate, and I choose to let go. I trust that the person or persons I'm supposed to grow with will appear, seemingly out of thin air, like they always do.
So for the year, I wish for myself and all of you, that love infuse your life. There are many shades of love, and I hope all of them refuse to dim as the seasons pass. If you believe in angels, I wish for them to bring you your chosen vision of love. Here is to peace, health and light in the new year.