Sunday, December 25, 2011

Ask the Angels

On my birthday this year, I received a pack of angel cards from a dear family member of mine. The box prompts you to choose a card on your birthday. The word on the card will overlight your year. 

I thought about it a moment, surrounded by family and friends and laughter and warmth, chose a card in the middle of the deck, and pulled out the word love. I felt a chord strike in my heart.

Very recently, exes and past lovers have been coming out of the woodwork. Boys I never thought I would hear from again, telling me things I desperately wanted to hear when our relationships ended. Now, the words ring like tin in my ears and taste like pennies in my mouth. Am I suspicious of these boys and their motives? Am I doubtful of their words? Am I convinced I am undeserving?

I am not any of these things. I am someone learning the hard lesson of loving themselves, of learning that acceptance and balance doesn't come from outside, but within. I spoke before of the catalyst that would make everything right in the world, and how it does not exist. The rhythms that move the world move me with them, and I am a different person than I was when I was in these relationships. I choose to not let my suspicion and doubt get the best of me. I choose to accept these sentiments with grace, even if I can't reciprocate, and I choose to let go. I trust that the person or persons I'm supposed to grow with will appear, seemingly out of thin air, like they always do.

So for the year, I wish for myself and all of you, that love infuse your life. There are many shades of love, and I hope all of them refuse to dim as the seasons pass. If you believe in angels, I wish for them to bring you your chosen vision of love. Here is to peace, health and light in the new year.


  1. oh angels love them, very inspiring ^^

    nice blog btw, i'm following you now!
    hope you Follow me back dear <3

  2. i love this post, and your candidness, and how you exquisitely sum up that experience of the returning past as "pennies in the mouth". i can be surprised that the part of us that hurt, that still hurts, is untouched even when it receives what we thought we needed. and, you are journeying with, and towards, the true balm, which is self love. i forget sometimes, especially when reaching outwards, that my hands are not empty. i forget to let myself receive love, from myself or other. so i will take your new year wish and remember to let the love IN. and to receive the benevolent wish for peace that the angels who walk beside us are always offering. love.

  3. These are such beautiful words. I really hope you have a wonderful love-filled 2012!

  4. Love this post and I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog! Thank you for your words at Gypsea Tree. You are in Northern California? I just visited that area of the state for the first time last summer. SO breathtaking! A beautiful New Year to you!

  5. you write so beautifully. love is great word to pick for your year.. i hope it plays out in the best ways :)

    here's to a 2012 filled with love and happiness :)

  6. Beautiful post! And really, what better word could you have pulled?! Wishing you, and us all for that matter, a love-filled year ahead <3

    p.s. It wasn't until the comment you left on Milla's post about me that I realized who you were, ha! So glad to have finally made the connection and glad that you returned to blogging in such a lovely way :)

  7. I'm with Missa on how it made me smile when you said you were the mystery visitor. She told us that story last year when we were visiting. Thank you for this beautiful and positive post. I for one look forward to a new year of posts from you.