Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Reward and Punishment
Last year was the first time I was ever cognisant of new year resolutions. My colleagues were all drastically changing their lifestyles, finding "solutions" to do more, eat less, be better. I found myself wondering if this is something that comes with age. As we get older, are we more likely to believe we are a problem to be solved?
Much like this deleted scene from Miranda July's The Future, I find my own strict resolutions feel like putting something precious in danger. I'm trapped, and my harshest critic (myself), rules with iron table legs. I am left blinking, silent, not knowing what to do for fear of disappointing the task master. These resolutions have a lifespan of a week, at most.
Instead of this reward and punishment system (where the reward seems weak and the punishment great), I prefer to look at this time of year as one of renewal. What are the parts of myself do I want to embrace? What parts have I been ignoring? What parts should I leave behind? I'm a patchwork girl, putting myself together with a blunt needle. It takes time, and I must go slowly and gently.
I may never be done putting myself together, and that's okay. I just repeat my favorite mantra: progress, not perfection.